When representing yourself in family court, every step of the process can feel like a legal minefield. One of the most misunderstood yet critical procedural requirements is the "meet and confer" process. Many self-represented litigants underestimate its importance, which can lead to disastrous consequences for their case.
What is a "Meet and Confer" Letter?
A meet and confer letter is a formal attempt to resolve disputes before seeking court intervention. Courts often require parties to engage in this process before filing motions, particularly in discovery disputes, custody modifications, or support issues. The purpose is to encourage parties to resolve issues without the court’s involvement, saving judicial resources and minimizing unnecessary litigation.
The Trap: When Your Letter is Used Against You
Many self-represented litigants make the mistake of treating meet and confer letters casually. They either:
Write an emotionally charged letter that can be used as evidence of unreasonableness.
Disclose too much information, inadvertently harming their case.
Ignore the process entirely, which can result in motions being denied for failing to comply with procedural requirements.
Family court judges view meet and confer efforts as an indicator of reasonableness. If the other party claims you refused to cooperate, you could be painted as difficult or unwilling to co-parent—an image that can negatively impact your custody case.
Common Mistakes Made in Meet and Confer Letters
Being Too Aggressive – Making threats, insulting the other party, or unreasonably demanding outcomes will only make you look combative.
Over-Explaining Your Case – The other party doesn’t need a legal brief; they need a concise, professional response.
Ignoring Deadlines – Courts expect litigants to give reasonable time for responses. Failing to do so can make you appear uncooperative.
Not Following Up – If you don’t receive a response, you need to document your attempts before filing a motion.
How to Draft a Strong and Effective Meet and Confer Letter
Keep It Professional: Use neutral, respectful language.
State the Issue Clearly: Focus on the legal matter, not personal grievances.
Propose a Solution: Offer a reasonable resolution, showing you are making a good-faith effort.
Set a Deadline: Provide a reasonable timeframe for a response, typically 10-15 days.
Maintain a Paper Trail: Send the letter via certified mail or email with read receipts.
What to Do If the Other Party Ignores Your Letter
If you send a proper meet and confer letter and receive no response, document your efforts. When filing your motion, use the letter to demonstrate compliance with the court’s expectations.
Final Thoughts
Meet and confer letters might seem like a minor procedural step, but they can have a significant impact on your case. By handling them strategically, you protect yourself from accusations of being unreasonable while strengthening your position in court.
Payne Law Group
Orange County Family Law Lawyers
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